2012 is almost here. I write this on my front steps, feeling the warmth of the sun as it begins to set, and I reflect on 2011. I had so many wonderful experiences. I've traveled near and far, from camping by the California coast to wandering through the streets of China.
I competed in my first cooking competition (I didn't win, but it was such a fun adventure) and watched one of my best friends get married.
I went to countless concerts, singing and grooving, feeling the beat deep down in my heart.
I hiked, biked, ran, and swam. I SUPed, climbed, camped and danced.
It was a wonderful year, but I was knocked down in the middle of it. I was surprised at how much it crumbled my resolve and made me question what I wanted in life. I felt very alone and realized how much this loneliness made me unhappy. I realized how much I relied on certain people to make me feel fulfilled.
Over the past few months, I have been rebuilding and rediscovering myself. I have been learning how to feel fulfilled on my own. While I know that sharing experiences with someone special can be wonderful, at the same time, in the end, it's just you. I remembering when Steve Jobs died, the news would play over one of his interviews, and one statement caught my attention.
"You're born alone, you're gonna die alone... what is it exactly... that you have to lose?"
Then, a few days later, I was watching an old episode of Mad Men, and a similar quote from Don Draper caught my ear.
"You're born alone and you die alone... I'm living like there's no tomorrow."
These quotes all struck me as the truth. Being alone is a fact, there is nothing you can do about it. But how you fill those moments when you are alone is what matters. My goal for 2012 is to find peace in my time alone. To enjoy it as solitude rather than loneliness. And that's not to say I'm going to hole myself up in my house and become a loner. But for those moments that I do find myself alone, whether it's at a dinner or while I'm traveling, or when I go to bed at night, I'm going to cherish those moments as much as I cherish the ones when I am with someone.
I'll have this guy to watch my back too, to remind me of my strength and beauty.
And now it's on to 2012. I'm feeling lighter already. Although it could be from losing a good foot of hair!
Goodbye 2011 (and the long hair that went with it)! Here's to an amazing 2012! Cheers!