Just thinkin...

that I would love to be a photographer professionally. I am always honored when friends ask me to photograph an event or their child. I keep thinking it's something I can do on the side but it takes so much time! So for now, I'll just do it every now and then. But maybe one day it will become something more.

It also helps when your subjects are ridiculously adorable!!

We interrupt our regular programming...

called Life to do some mindless web surfing, look at pretty photos and post some old ones.

I am still struggling with this fork in the road of my life right now. I'm stressed, anxious, tired, and the last few days, I've just wanted to throw in the towel and start bawling uncontrollably. Maybe I should just go forward full force and not look back. But I keep taking little steps, and then I sit and wait, pulling out my hair.

Tonight, I'm taking the middle ground and just giving my mind a break from it all.

Hence this post. I thought I'd share some lovely moments I had in Napa back in March. I actually did a few day trips, two with friends, one with family. Each time I go, I like to try a new winery or restaurant, so the experience is different every time.

But each time, I seem to pass by the French Laundry.

I think I'm secretly hoping I'll run into Thomas Keller and he'll just invite me in.

They have a beautiful plot of land across the street, where they harvest a plethora of vegetables. If only my garden could look so organized.

The weekend I went with family, we visited several wineries known for their architecture. Some of it was a bit over-the-top, including a castle with a peacock roaming the grounds.

Still gorgeous though.





We visited another estate, Chateau Montelena Winery, in Calistoga. A beautiful site, with a small lake and beautiful courtyard. This would be a lovely place for a romantic picnic for two.

One of the weekends I went with friends, we visited Ram's Gate Winery. Another great spot, with small plates paired with their wines. A great place to grab a snack and enjoy good times with friends.

Napa and the area around it is filled with fantastic sights, not just good wine. My eye always catches sight of a cool building, sign or landscape. But there is always a destination in mind so we just pass it by.

One of these days, I just want to go up there on my own to just take photos. That'd be nice right now...

Simplicity

It's what I'm looking for now. But life is just not so simple. Making decisions that could alter the course of your life, trying to decide which path to take, it's all such a challenge. Especially when you don't really like any of the paths. And trying to create a new more desirable path isn't easy either, especially when you're not sure how.



Yes, this is how the path is looking right now.

There is beauty along that path. I'm just having trouble finding time to enjoy it.



And when I do find the time, my mind is preoccupied with... everything.



I'd love to have a few moments to just gaze at my surroundings in awe, like a child without a care in the world.



Enjoy the sun as it peeks through the clouds and shines on my face...



I'm looking to keep the thoughts in my mind to a minimum. To just have some peace and quiet in there, even if just for a day.



(I'm linking up with Focus52. The prompt this week is Minimal, which Janice ties in with keeping things simple. It's definitely what I'm looking for in my life right now.)

A new year

2012 is almost here. I write this on my front steps, feeling the warmth of the sun as it begins to set, and I reflect on 2011. I had so many wonderful experiences. I've traveled near and far, from camping by the California coast to wandering through the streets of China.

June 2011

I competed in my first cooking competition (I didn't win, but it was such a fun adventure) and watched one of my best friends get married.

May 2011

I went to countless concerts, singing and grooving, feeling the beat deep down in my heart.

November 2011

I hiked, biked, ran, and swam. I SUPed, climbed, camped and danced.

December 2011

It was a wonderful year, but I was knocked down in the middle of it. I was surprised at how much it crumbled my resolve and made me question what I wanted in life. I felt very alone and realized how much this loneliness made me unhappy. I realized how much I relied on certain people to make me feel fulfilled.

Over the past few months, I have been rebuilding and rediscovering myself. I have been learning how to feel fulfilled on my own. While I know that sharing experiences with someone special can be wonderful, at the same time, in the end, it's just you. I remembering when Steve Jobs died, the news would play over one of his interviews, and one statement caught my attention.

"You're born alone, you're gonna die alone... what is it exactly... that you have to lose?"

Then, a few days later, I was watching an old episode of Mad Men, and a similar quote from Don Draper caught my ear.

"You're born alone and you die alone... I'm living like there's no tomorrow."

These quotes all struck me as the truth. Being alone is a fact, there is nothing you can do about it. But how you fill those moments when you are alone is what matters. My goal for 2012 is to find peace in my time alone. To enjoy it as solitude rather than loneliness. And that's not to say I'm going to hole myself up in my house and become a loner. But for those moments that I do find myself alone, whether it's at a dinner or while I'm traveling, or when I go to bed at night, I'm going to cherish those moments as much as I cherish the ones when I am with someone.

I'll have this guy to watch my back too, to remind me of my strength and beauty.

inked 12.23.11

And now it's on to 2012. I'm feeling lighter already. Although it could be from losing a good foot of hair!

12.30.11

Goodbye 2011 (and the long hair that went with it)! Here's to an amazing 2012! Cheers!